Shinil Payamal 2.0

"The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of
getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into
small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one."

- Mark Twain.

Moses and his flock arrive at the sea, with the Egyptians in hot pursuit.
Moses calls a staff meeting.
"Well, how are we going to get across the sea?" asked Moses. "We need a fast solution. The Egyptians are close behind us."
"Normally, I'd recommend that we build a pontoon bridge to carry us across," said the General Of The Armies, "but there's not enough time - the Egyptians are too close."
"Normally, I'd recommend that we build barges to carry us across," said the Admiral Of The Navy, "but time is too short."
"Does anyone have a solution?" asked Moses.
Just then, his Public Relations man raised his hand.
"You!" said Moses, "You have a solution?"
"No," said the PR man, "but I can promise you this: If you can find a way out of this one, I can get you two or three full pages in the Old Testament..."

1. For your information, please. (FYI)
 
Meaning: I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.
 
*******
 
2. Noted and returned.
 
Meaning: I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it little while.
 
******* 3. Review and comment.
 
Meaning: Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.
 
*******
 
4. Action please.
 
Meaning: Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.
 
*******
 
5. For your necessary action.
 
Meaning: It's your headache now.
 
*******
 
6. Copy to.
 
Meaning: Here's a share of my headache.
 
*******
 
7. For your approval, please.
 
Meaning: Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.
 
*******
 
8. Action is being taken.
 
Meaning: Your correspondence is lost and I am trying to locate it.
 
*******
 
9. Your letter is receiving our attention.
 
Meaning: I am trying to figure out what you want.
 
*******
 
10. Please discuss.
 
Meaning: I don't know what the hell this is, so please brief me.
 
*******
 
11. For your immediate action.
 
Meaning: Do it NOW! Or I will get into serious trouble.
 
*******
 
12. Please reply soon.
 
Meaning: Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient.
 
*******
 
13. We are investigating/ processing your request with the relevant authorities.
 
Meaning: They are causing the delay, not us.
 
*******
 
14. Regards.
 
Meaning: Thanks and bless you for reading all the crap.
 
*******

Q: Why is Samajwadi Party's symbol 'Cycle'?
A: Because after ban on English and use of computers, that's all we'll be able to afford
 
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Q: Why is Congress symbol 'Hand'?
A: To remind Indians that our fate is forever in the hand of one family
 
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Q: Why is BJP Symbol 'Lotus'?
A: Lotus is the symbol of Sarawasti and learning.
BJP will educate us through the wisdom of Varun Gandhi and Pravin Togadia.
 
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Q: Why is Mayawati's symbol 'Elephant'?
A: It's a self portrait.
 
 
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Q: Why is Jayalalitha's symbol 'Two leaves'?
A: Because that's what remained after Amma ate up all the fruit
 
 
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Q: Why is DMK's symbol 'Sun'?
A: So that Karunanidhi can justify wearing shades indoors
 
 
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Q: Why is Lalu's symbol 'Laltain'?
A: Because there's no electricity in Bihar
 
 
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Q: Why is CPM's symbol 'Hammer and sickle'?
A: Because that's what you will be using if they come to power
 
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Q: Why is Sharad Pawar's symbol 'Clock'?
A: Because his time never seems to come
 
 
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Q: Why is Shiv Sena's symbol 'Bow and arrow'?
A: I can tell you, but then I'll have to shoot you

1. Name of Candidate: ____________ _________
 
2.Present Address:
(i.)Name of Jail: ____________ _________
(ii.)Cell Number: ____________ _________
 
3.Political Party: ____________ _________
 
*List ONLY the Last Five parties in Chronological (Order)
 
4.Sex: [ ]
A- Male
B- Female
C- I dont Know
D- Daily
 
5.Nationality: [ ]
A- Italian
B- Indian
 
6.Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
A- Defected
B- Expelled
C- Bought out
D- None of above
E- All of above
 
7.Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
A- To make money
B- To escape court trial
C- To grossly misuse power
D- To serve the public
E- I have no clue
(If you choose “D, attach Certificate of Sanity from a
Recognized Government Psychiatrist)
 
8.How many years of public service experience do you possess?
A- 1-2 yrs
B- 2-6yrs
C- 6-15yrs
D- 15+yrs
 
9.Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want)
 
10.How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ]
(Do not confuse with question 8)
A- 1-2 years
B- 2-6 years
C- 6-15 years
D- 15+years
 
11.Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ]
A- Why not
B- Of Course
C- Definitely
D- I deny it all
E- I see a foreign hand.
 
12. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ]
A- 100-500 Crores
B- 500-1000 Crores
C- Overflow…
(Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees)
 
13. Do you have any developmental plans for India in mind? [ ]
A- No
B- Why?
C- Not interested
D- All of the above
 
14.Describe your achievements in space provided:
[_________]

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
 
2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.
 
3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country.
 
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however like the smog statistics shown in pie charts.
 
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave L.A. to do it.
 
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.
 
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
 
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
 
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats.
 
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
 
─ Steve Jobs

Flirt with your understandings, get engaged to compassions, marry simplicity, honeymoon with genuineness, and divorce the ego, that’s the way to live life.